Terry Pederson
This feature is part of Oklahoma Farm Bureau’s Cultivating Healthy Minds program, a member-driven initiative created to raise awareness in the agriculture community regarding mental health and wellbeing.
Reflections in windows tend to distort the view on the inside, and while people may think they know what is on the opposite side of the glass, their view is often skewed.
To some, lifelong farmer, rancher and teacher Terry Pederson seems to have it all together.
“I discovered those were my first two loves – teaching and agriculture,” she said of her life in Burlington.
Along with her and her husband’s wheat, alfalfa, silage crops and cow/calf operation, Terry taught in local schools around Burlington for more than 22 years. After each long day of instruction, Terry would return to her house and seclude herself in a dark room to unwind from the day.
“It got to the point where I was depending on that more and more, and it took me years to realize that I was avoiding issues, and that was not going to solve the issues,” she said. “I put off seeing a doctor for a long time because I felt ‘you are stronger than that Terry. You do not need help, you can push through.’ No, I could not. It took me a while to understand that.”
From the outside, Terry has a successful career, farm and family, but on the inside, she was feeling something much deeper.
“I kept putting going to the doctor off because I did not want to admit that I was depressed,” she said. “In and around Burlington, there are not a lot of counselors to see. I finally gave in and went to my doctor, and she immediately got me on some medication. The first kind did not work, so it was a long path to find the right medication. We have found it – it took over a year.”
For some people, her doctor said finding the right medication for depression can take much longer than it did for Terry.
Recognizing the internal battle with depression would not go away on its own took a tremendous amount of courage for Terry as it often does for those struggling with mental wellness.
“When I realized I needed outside help, it did not come in one flash – it is a gradual thing that happens, at least it was for me.”
– Terry Pederson
Medication has significantly helped Terry get closer to feeling herself again, but just like solving math equations, there can be more than one way to get to the solution.
“I am not fully back to myself yet, but I am seeing a counselor – a licensed marriage and family therapist,” she said of another outlet in managing her depression. “He has done wonders for me. I would encourage anyone who is dealing with depression to go to counseling.”
Having the difficult conversations with someone trustworthy has made the long drive to see her therapist well worth it for her. Terry encourages everyone to seek professional help and to have the important conversations with those closest to them.
“In your journey, you may find yourself sometimes wondering if all of this is doing any good,” Terry said. “You need to keep on the path your therapist is guiding you. You may find it takes a while. For me, it has been a year before I realized I was making progress, but it was not fast enough for me. In rural areas, you are limited to what you have available. It will be worth your time and effort to seek out those that are available to help you to be back to yourself again.”
Even though Terry is getting closer to feeling herself again, she continues to see her therapist to be better for not only herself but also her family and friends. In some of her darkest times, Terry felt like she could not share what she was feeling with those closest around her because of the stigma around mental wellbeing.
“We should not be quiet about our journey,” she said. “We need to share it because people – just like us – do not want to talk about it because it has always been ‘hush-hush.’ We do not need to do that anymore; we need to get our stories out. It is nothing to be ashamed of.”
Terry is beginning to feel more comfortable sharing her story openly with others and always encourages them to seek help if they are experiencing the same feelings she was.
“We should not be ashamed of this because most people will become depressed at some point,” Terry said. “It may be one event in their life that triggers it, or it might be a series of things. Do not feel like you are crazy because you are not – you have lots of company.”
Terry’s reflection is becoming less distorted as she continues to overcome her depression and continues to encourage others to do the same thing.
“I really encourage everyone to seek the help,” Terry said. “You have to know yourself and not be afraid of what you have. The sooner you get it done, the easier it is to get out.”
